já miluju oškliveho skota

tulip vandals

2009-04-30T19:54:00.003-04:00

i have waited a long time to finally see the tulips i planted two falls ago bloom and just when they did, i came home to see almost all of them torn from their stems and discarded a few feet away.

squirrels.

it's here...spring

2009-04-13T19:40:00.003-04:00

the arrival of spring takes me away to the yard and the projects i dreamed about all winter.

february 1st, i was thrilled with 38 degrees
april 13th, not so thrilled with 38 degrees

today i planned my vacation days

strange illness

2009-02-24T19:46:00.002-05:00

so last monday i had the flu. it lasted a couple of days and only cost me a few hours of sick time from work.

this monday i awoke with a new illness that caused me to begin considering going to the doctor or something. it was really strange. i thought i was having a stroke, aneurysm, or brain cancer. i have no idea if any of those three things make a person incredibly dizzy but couldn't think of any other possibilities. the 18 or so hours of sleep was the only thing that made life tolerable.

i felt much better this morning and was relieved when two other people came down with the same thing.

sorry you two. you will feel better soon.

windy but beautiful

2009-02-10T21:05:00.003-05:00

i think the temperature got up to 63 or 64 degrees today. it was a bit windy but i'll take it. nearly all the snow is now gone. the wonderfully warm days of spring are just around the corner. life is good.

...and i thought 38 degrees felt good a week ago.

thrilling

2009-02-08T12:38:00.003-05:00

when i went to the kitchen to pour out my cold coffee yesterday morning, i saw an bald eagle fly over the house. it was flying away so i was able to see its tail quite clearly. twice in my life i've seen an eagle (without going to an eagle observation area) and both times it's been by chance looking out of a kitchen window.

note to self

2009-02-08T10:41:00.006-05:00

spring ahead march 9th (2nd sunday in march)
fall back 1st sunday in november.

the new system is much harder to remember than the old: 1st sunday in april and last sunday in october.

does john boehner look like uglyscott? i don't think so.

noteworthy

2009-02-01T19:30:00.005-05:00

it was sunny and 38 degrees today.

7 things i hate about the grocery store:

2009-02-01T16:36:00.004-05:00

why do i have to work so hard? at what point did everything change?

1. the isles are way too skinny (and that's all i'll say about that...maybe).

2. people stand and talk completely oblivious to anyone else around them who are actually there to get to the very stuff behind them, behind their family reunion or whatever.

3. shelf stocking should be done in the middle of the night. not at noon on sunday or any afternoon, morning, or late afternoon.

4. bring back baggers and teach them how to do it correctly.

5. design a store correctly. sure, they put fruit, vegetables, and bread towards the end of the journey; however, due to the crazy checkout centers nowadays, the fruit, vegetables, and bread end up on top of the cart. the stuff on the top of the cart end up at the bottom of the cart after it's bagged.

6. don't make me do all the work! where did customer service go?

i had an interesting experience today: i piled my stuff onto the conveyor belt, the lazy guy touching my stuff and tossing it into the miniature plastic bags ran out of bags and space for my items. at the same time, i ran out of space on the conveyor belt and we were at a standstill. i guess he wasn't getting paid to do anything at all other than stand there looking like he had just received a lobotomy, so i ran back and forth about twenty times getting the bags and putting them in a still half filled grocery cart and piling more stuff on the belt. STUPID! if i hadn't just spent an hour getting all my food, i would have shouted f***k this, you, and left all my crap right there half in the cart and half in bags and on the belt to go down the street to pay more at another store. and to top it off, when i got to my car, the cart collecting boys stood in my way--completely oblivious of my presence. why would this upset me? i really enjoy standing around waiting for employees to get out of my way. of course, the boys were having a very important discussion to finish regarding buying a car.

7. the shampoo and pet supplies are on the opposite side of the store. put this stuff closer to the groceries. really, who is buying underwear and coats on their way to the eggs?

dear superstores, all of you, go to hell!

odds & ends

2009-02-01T08:51:00.009-05:00

the first day of spring will be here in 47 days. i'm predicting a mild spring this year. the robins are coming back and the song birds are beginning to sing.

"cat" seems to be feeling better. she doesn't act like she's too upset about her adjusted food portions. i can't tell by looking at her if she has lost any weight.

my fingernails grow too fast. when they get long, my fingertips hurt.

why do i have to go to the grocery store? why can't i order everything on amazon.com? those people are efficient and have great boxes--i trust them to ship my groceries.

i'm voting for amazon and google in the next election.

do you know people who don't understand the rules of conversation? maybe i'm the one that doesn't understand the rules, but don't normal people say something and listen to the response from the other? is a conversation really taking place when one person talks non-stop without concern for a response in any way? i know two people that can clear out a bar and make the waitstaff and bartenders want to quit their job after, of course, stabbing themselves in the eye with a pen.

we call her "cat"

2009-01-26T19:29:00.009-05:00

our cat is fat. not a little chubby but obese. she's been on a diet for the last five years. due to health problems, she's been on prescription diet food since october. the vet said, "if you want the cat to weigh 18 pounds, feed her like she's an eighteen pound cat." we didn't. we fed her half the prescribed amount...2/3 cup a day. no treats. nothing.

we barely let the dog eat because the cat will try to steal her food.

her health problems have slowly returned so i took her to the vet this afternoon. not only did she not loose weight since october, she gained a pound and a half. i know the vet didn't believe me when i said we don't feed her much. and now we are to feed her like she's a seven pound cat.

two tablespoons of dry food twice a day is what he suggests. i suggested a lap-band, gastric bypass surgery, or possibly liposuction. he laughed at my ideas but seriously noted that if she doesn't lose weight, we'd have to consider plastic surgery. hmmm. i wasn't sure if he was joking or serious about it. i'm thinking liposuction over plastic surgery. weird.

another suggestion was that she get some exercise. right. at least the food will last a while at a half a cup a day.

oddly enough, dr. frank told her she was fat and she was not the least bit offended.

$131.70 for x-rays and food: priceless.

john galt

2009-01-20T19:48:00.002-05:00

ok jg, change the name of your blog to where is john galt or post something already. the gloves are off... mister!

now i must bounce on my ball for a while.

land of the lost

2009-01-19T19:49:00.007-05:00

sleestak's used to scare me and i don't know why. they were slow and couldn't catch anything. the "lost" were never really in any real danger.

really... the creepiest character was chaka. now that thing was ugly. i never did trust it.

clint eastwood vs. kevin james

2009-01-18T16:08:00.008-05:00

compared to -19 on friday, 17 feels like a heatwave; however, it's still not warm enough to venture outside.

we did manage to make our way out of the house yesterday. woohoo! went to a movie which, except for the excellent company of dr. ugly, was basically a bust. we went to see mall cop. don't bother to go. wait until it comes out on dvd. almost all the funny scenes have been shown on the previews.

the late matinée was packed with people and their kids. worst of all, as usual, people who don't parent their kids. after spending five minutes feeling like i was on an airplane ride from hell due to a kid consistently kicking the back of my chair. (i can get pretty mean when these types of things happen and have a passive aggressive approach to such situations. i usually turn around and glare for a second or two. if it doesn't stop, i do it again but glare longer. and on the third turn around, i usually scold someone.) the kid stopped after the second turna round.

i'm not even going to start complaining about the jerks that show up late. if only clint eastwood had been there.

we knew mall cop wouldn't live up to our expectations after seeing the best movie ever made last week: gran torino.

i think we are now done with movie theaters until march.

meerkat

2009-01-16T12:18:00.004-05:00

the other night, of course, at the minnow, we were engaged in some sort of weird conversation. it was the long row of people at the bar type of communication where the words and stories change by the time it trickles down to the end and back. i was the unfortunate soul at the end.

anyway, i said something (don't remember what) which turned into meerkat. i think we were trying to figure out who looked like what type of animal. i don't really remember. then someone said something about meerkat manor. well, i hadn't heard of it because we don't have cable. and scott claimed he hadn't ever heard of a meerkat--didn't know what it was.so for scott, i ordered up series one of meerkat manor. it promises to be better than the ten hour series about birds.

i want one. a meerkat. a whole family of them.

side note: it's the coldest day in the history of the world.

another day in michigan

2009-01-15T11:33:00.005-05:00

6:30 am wake up call to announce no work today; although, i've been working since 8:00. ugly scott was almost ready to walk out the door when i told him he had no where to go.

there is a lot of snow out there but it's not as bad as it was on tuesday. it's always tough to judge days like this based on what it looks like in town.

64 days until the first day of spring

pondering an icicle

2009-01-15T10:01:00.005-05:00

ugly scott shovels the driveway and sidewalks. he also cleans off the cars. he does love me.

i shovel the snow away from the bird feeders and put out food for the squirrels and birds. as an extra special treat, i put out a bunch of banana, raisin-nut muffins and bread for them.

we stare at the giant ice mass hanging from the house. it's huge. it's touching the ground. it looks like a frozen waterfall. we decide it'll kill us or squash the air conditioner if we mess with it. we will continue to think about it. scott is thinking chainsaw. i'm thinking dynamite. maybe a circle of candles will melt it away. maybe a bonfire.

18 off

2009-01-05T18:45:00.003-05:00

after spending the last 18 glorious vacation/holiday days off without very many "have to do's" and sleeping in until 9:00 am, getting up at o'dark-thirty this morning was just plain rude.

over the course of the years, i've heard that people begin to sleep less and less but this hasn't happened to me yet. i can't imagine it ever will. i will be the one and only elderly on this planet sleeping in until 9:00 or 10:00.

i love to sleep. it feels good and right. i'm blaming it on the bed--it's comfortable and cozy. maybe it's my winter attitude because i don't sleep this much in the summer. maybe i was a cat i my previous life.

if i have to go, i hope it's in my sleep.

coffee cups

2009-01-02T21:39:00.002-05:00

being picky about the type of coffee cup one drinks from seems to be more common than i thought. i have two here at home that feel just right--they are exactly the same and ugly as hell.

scott is picky about his coffee cups too. as a matter of fact, he walked into the kitchen this morning and sighed at the cup selection, grabbed one and muttered something about hating the feel of all our cups.

a few hours later i was off shopping with my mom. she said she wanted to buy a new fake christmas tree for next year; however, by the time we got to the mall she had mysteriously changed her mind about the tree and was shopping for new coffee cups. the weirdest thing about this was that we hadn't discussed coffee cups at all. she, too, was looking for the perfect feeling cups. we found none.

birds & squirrels

2009-01-01T16:53:00.002-05:00

after spending about ten hours watching The Life of Birds over the course of several days, i've come to the conclusion that some birds are just mean. for example, one pair of duck-type birds evidently get tired of feeding their young and "scold" their fluffy little off-spring. they scold the one that begs for food the most: the scolding, which is really harsh pecking about the head, continues until the chick slumps over dead in the water. the parents do this one-by-one until they are left with just a couple babies. such a strange thing. i have to question why they have so many babies in the first place.

we have a little red squirrel that has taken up residency in our garage this winter. she's quite a destructive little character but i won't let scott chase her off and seal up the gap under the door because, according to the experts, she will not survive the winter without her home...our garage. she will need to be evicted this spring: i don't know how this will work as she will probably have babies in there at some point.

darkness of day

2009-01-01T11:05:00.002-05:00

i used to think i could live in complete darkness; however, after spending 72 hours without natural sunlight, i've changed my mind. without sunlight, my internal clock didn't wake me. if scott hadn't been there, i'm not sure i would have woke up.

general motors oven

2008-12-27T12:50:00.002-05:00

the old oven finally kicked the bucket on christmas eve. we purchased a new one yesterday and this only leads to me wanting to do a complete kitchen remodel. i think we'll have to make do with a thorough cleaning of the old kitchen before the new oven arrives.

x-mas 2008

2008-12-24T18:32:00.002-05:00

is officially done and over. to celebrate the close of another christmas, i'm curled up with my furry pillows and blankets with an appletini. it's a nice tini and it's going down quickly. just one problem: i only had enough apple for one. next will be a redbulltini, rusty nail, or a rob roy.

tomorrow: dinner with galt and turnbo, the spirit, and old fashions in the cowboys basement.

holiday eggs

2008-12-23T20:14:00.002-05:00

about once a year i make deviled eggs. they're not at all difficult to whip up, i just like them better when someone else makes them.

why do so many people like the little devils so much? they're cold eggs.

appreciation tunnel

2008-12-22T12:40:00.005-05:00

yesterday was customer appreciation day at the wounded minnow. we went. we ate. we felt appreciated. as usuals at the minnow, we didn't know many of the people there. i left feeling a little violated and ticked off at the not at all disabled ponytail guy in his escalade who parked on the curb in the one and only handicapped parking spot out front. jerk! he's probably too pretty to even get a damn ticket for it. jerk!

if it snows much more, we will be living in a world of tunnels.

the birds found the filled feeders after just one afternoon.

5:42 am: due to acclimate weather, work is closed for the day.

blizzard

2008-12-21T17:44:00.002-05:00

seems fitting to have a blizzard on the first day of winter--the shortest day of the year. we decided to go see the wee one today and didn't think we'd make it there. as we drove, staring into the blinding darkness of snow, i kept saying, this storm should be upgraded to a blizzard. by the time we returned home, it was. all i can say is man, it's cold and blowing out there.

Issued by The National Weather Service
North Webster, IN
3:39 pm EST, Sun., Dec. 21, 2008

Blizzard Warning for Cass County, MI

... BLIZZARD WARNING IN EFFECT UNTIL 10 AM EST MONDAY... ... WINTER STORM WARNING IS CANCELLED...

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN NORTHERN INDIANA HAS ISSUED A BLIZZARD WARNING... WHICH IS IN EFFECT UNTIL 10 AM EST MONDAY. THE WINTER STORM WARNING HAS BEEN CANCELLED.

A COMBINATION OF STRONG WEST WINDS AND LAKE EFFECT SNOW SHOWERS WILL CREATE BLIZZARD CONDITIONS AND WHITEOUT CONDITIONS INTO MONDAY MORNING. VISIBILITIES NEAR ZERO CAN BE EXPECTED. TRAVEL IS BEING DISCOURAGED AND MANY ROADS ARE BEING CLOSED.

STRONG WEST TO NORTHWEST WINDS OF 25 TO 35 MPH WITH GUSTS TO NEAR 50 MPH ALONG THE LAKE SHORE WILL CONTINUE INTO MONDAY MORNING. THIS WILL CREATE BLOWING AND DRIFTING SNOW AND REDUCE VISIBILITIES TO NEAR ZERO. TRAVEL WILL BE TREACHEROUS AND MANY ROADS WILL BE CLOSED DUE TO ACCIDENTS OR DRIFTING.

LAKE EFFECT SNOW SHOWERS WILL BECOME MORE ORGANIZED THIS EVENING AND ESPECIALLY OVERNIGHT INTO MONDAY MORNING. TOTAL ACCUMULATIONS OF 4 TO 8 INCHES WITH LOCALLY HIGHER AMOUNTS ARE EXPECTED IN BERRIEN... CASS AND ST. JOSEPH COUNTIES IN MICHIGAN. THE LOCALLY HEAVIER AMOUNTS ARE POSSIBLE ACROSS FAR NORTHERN PORTIONS OF THESE COUNTIES.

DANGEROUS WIND CHILLS CAN ALSO BE EXPECTED WITH READINGS RANGING FROM 10 BELOW ZERO CLOSER TO THE LAKE TO AS LOW AS 25 BELOW ZERO WELL INLAND. THE COMBINATION OF STRONG WINDS... COLD WIND CHILLS AND SNOW WILL CREATE DANGEROUS CONDITIONS... POTENTIALLY DEADLY FOR ANYONE STRANDED OUTSIDE.

zoe snow angels

2008-12-20T10:30:00.003-05:00

zoe nervously pacing, looking for a place to hide from the wind.

zoe, my neurotic border collie, turns into a shivering mess at the slightest breeze and rain sprinkle. when she's out in the rain, she squints as though the rain drops are razor blades and tries to hide from the wind. it's windy a lot of the time--she has very few peaceful days.

she will spontaneously vomit at the sight of a tick or toad. the vet said that the older she gets, until her sight and hearing goes away, the worse she'll get and prescribed valium for her own well being. a half a tablet usually calms her down for a few hours. it's a bit humorous.

the snow, as long as the wind isn't blowing, is a whole different thing. she loves the snow no matter how hard it's coming down. she runs out to the yard, flips on to her back, makes a snow angel, gets up, and pees on it.

let it snow (and snow and snow some more)

2008-12-20T10:05:00.002-05:00

every year i wish for an unseasonably warm winter. it looks like i should stop hoping this will happen because the cold and snow seems to start earlier each year.

it's supposed get all the way up to 30 degrees this weekend and we're feeling like a heatwave is arriving.

the weather people on the tv play their psychological games by providing the "highs" for each day but they don't mention the "high" will be at midnight. i'm not awake and running around outside at midnight. tell me what the temperature is going to be during the few hours of daylight we have. jerks. do they do this on purpose for some reason?

i don't feel the global warming. the next ice age may be forming right here in michigan.

harvey wallbanger

2008-12-19T09:07:00.003-05:00

ugly scott has been taste-testing cocktails from back-in-the-day, so last night, at an event, armed with a wicked cold, mistakenly doped up on a dose of night-time cold and flu medicine (yes, during the day and an interesting afternoon it was), i tried the harvey wallbanger. the galliano turns an ordinary screwdriver into a tasty drink. i liked it.

we frequent the wounded minnow every wednesday and either friday or saturday--sometimes both spending a considerable amount of time surveying the liquor. other than a yellowbird, i've never know what galliano is used in.

From Wikipedia: The Harvey Wallbanger is an alcoholic beverage or cocktail made with vodka, Galliano, and orange juice. The Harvey Wallbanger was invented in 1952 by three-times world champion mixologist Donato 'Duke' Antone, the brother-in-law of New York state senator Carlo Lanzillotti. The 1982 Milwaukee Brewers, winners of the American League pennant, were nicknamed "Harvey's Wallbangers," because of the team's nickname and its manager, Harvey Kuenn.

6:14 am: due to acclimate weather: work closed for the day.

RMJ

2008-12-16T19:06:00.002-05:00

welcome sweet angel
absolutely perfect
silky dark hair
ten long fingers
ten busy little toes
pretty eyes observing all
12.15.08
9:51 pm
7 lbs & 15 ounces
19 inches

13 weeks and 6 days

2008-12-13T09:41:00.002-05:00

jazzy christmas tonight.

we haven't put up any holiday decorations yet.

balls

2008-12-11T19:32:00.008-05:00

so scott won't play the lottery on fridays because he doesn't want to wait until monday to drive to lansing to collect his winnings, should he win. funny and a fact i never knew about until a few days ago. how can a person live with another for so long without knowing some of their cute little quirks?

to mark my 44th year on this planet, i've resigned myself to the fact that i can really no longer see like i could just three years ago. this whole vision thing first raised its ugly head when i was eating dinner each night. my food, as it came close to my mouth on the silverware, would become blurry. i had hoped this was due to tiredness or something but no, it got worse. after giving in and going to the eye doctor who told me my eyeballs were old and wearing out-- a normal part of life (bla, bla, bla). i came home with glasses and contacts.

now i have two pairs of glasses, regular contacts and contacts that turn my boring brown eyes to sparkling blue. i figured i may as well have fun with my new-found blindness. the contacts are great but i can't see anything when i wear them to work. so i started wearing the glasses yesterday--all day and evening. for those of you that have worn glasses forever, learning to wear glasses is not easy.

now i can see myself and everyone else. this is scary. and now i know why old people have hair growing out of their noses and ears and such--they just can't see it. so where is this going? no where: just seeing things again and thought you all should be aware of it because i'm really looking at you these days.

imeadaba

2008-12-08T18:45:00.007-05:00

girl flew off the road this morning. by the looks of it, she had to have been going pretty fast to blast into the snowy field as far as she got. she may have even ran over the dead raccoon from last week.

sleeping gas, i swear, was be pumped into the room today: very sleepy day. i'm not sure i've ever been so sleepy.

i think we need something warm to look at. it's crazy how we get acclimated to the cold--sunday and monday have felt balmy compared to friday and saturday.

liver & gravy

2008-12-07T17:57:00.001-05:00

one of the best things about december 7th is the traditional southern dinner: fried chicken, fried chicken livers, and milk gravy on cheap white bread. if i'm lucky, there are leftovers for me to take home to enjoy the day after which i share with ugly angie. mmm, life is good! thanks mom.

Happy Pearl Harbor Day!

how many

2008-12-04T20:25:00.002-05:00

years since the first?

luv ya
baby

today
and
always

so sad

2008-12-04T18:20:00.004-05:00

on my way to work a little before 9:00 am yesterday, i saw a raccoon a short distance from the road. this isn't normal as they are seldom seen in broad daylight. i figured it was probably sick and likely near death.

at lunch it was still there, in the same spot, but kind of leaning all the way backwards--like it was doing a backbend but its front paws remained about five or six inches away from the ground. it was an odd position which made me think it was dying a painful death and made me want to cry. on my way back to work it was upright again and had moved to another location about twenty feet away...closer to the road. after work, not able to ignore, i looked to the right, it was still alive, and in the same spot as it was six hours earlier.

day two--today: 9:00 am--still alive and in the same place but leaning to the right with it's front legs stretched out like it was waiting for a hug from a loved one. at this point i'm speculating that is was hit by a car, paralyzed, and i'm wanting someone to end its misery...my misery. at 6:00 pm, through the darkness, it's now under snow.

yes, this two day event bothers me. i wish i could save them. i wish this didn't have to happen in front of me.

106 days

2008-12-02T19:19:00.003-05:00

i raked leaves mixed with snow last saturday. of course, since the weather turned to crap so fast, there was no where to put the leaves so i piled them up in the corner of the backyard.

i also removed the leaf catching screens from the ponds and installed the bubbler in one pond. as an experiment, and hopefully without casualties, left filter/fountain going in the deep pond. the fish did follow me around the pond probably hoping for some food. i guess they're not supposed to be fed in the winter--something about too much body fat or something can kill them. i once killed a mouse with kindness by feeding it to death. we'll see.

maybe january through april will be mild.

03.20.09

2008-11-20T19:11:00.005-05:00

119 days until spring. the days get longer on 12.21.08. not bad. i can do it. although, it's snowing like crazy right now. with any luck it'll snow bad enough to shut everything down tomorrow. yes, i'm like a child.

so, anyway, the papyrus plant in the above photo isn't suppose to survive the cold. i brought three of them in the house and they look terrible compared to the one i left outside. the plant outside has been smashed by snow and perks back up after the snow melts. it's green and as beautiful as it was in september. go figure.

Papyrus sedge or paper reed (Cyperus papyrus) is a monocot belonging to the sedge family Cyperaceae. It is a herbaceous perennial native to Africa.

Q. Why is the Secret Service installing lighting rods at the White House?

2008-11-18T19:55:00.003-05:00

A. To protect President Obama as he takes his Oath of Office.

sidewalk plower

2008-11-18T19:05:00.003-05:00

winter and snow brings us the dreaded sidewalk snowplow. sounds like a nice thing, right? since we reside on a double corner lot, we have a lot of sidewalk that would need to be shoveled if the city didn't do it at the crack of not dawn but early darkness. it's a great thing but i end up spending way too many hours fixing the plowed up yard every spring and am not sure any time is saved. the fun part of the whole situation is the tormenting received each spring as the neighbors come down and shake their heads with disapproval and complain about the mess and inquire about how long it'll be before i have the yard back to normal. they tell us we should sue the city for the destruction. they hate the snowplow and have asked the city to stop plowing their sidewalk but were told that the machine of mass destruction couldn't be stopped. the little kiddies have to get to school, when there is school, when it snows. it saves ugly scott a great deal of work so i guess i can live with it.

leaving the house

2008-11-17T18:06:00.005-05:00

everyone that lives in our region knows it's insane to leave the house the first day we receive substantial snow. of course, it snowed like a maniac over night and i had to be in a meeting an hour and a half from home first thing this morning. well, i didn't get two blocks from home before nearly getting smashed by someone that apparently forgot to apply his brakes prior to actually needing to. another mile into the journey a car coming at me began spinning--luckily i was far enough away with no one else was in front of me to avoid hitting the goof ball driving entirely too fast. i can deal with my own driving skills on the slippery stuff but other people scare me to death. many, many accidents including an overturned semi that stopped all northbound traffic for more than four hours to which i was lucky enough to be a part of. needless to say, i was very late even after allowing an extra 30 minutes for the weather. the drive home was just as eventful--heavy snow--the white knuckle--stare at the tailights in front of you--snow--caused everyone to crawl along like a mob of blind people. i was thrilled to get off of i-94. i vowed, today, to follow my instincts by staying close to home when it snows.

A semi on its side after it crashed with another semi on US-131 in Allegan County, Nov. 17, 2008

now, if someone could tell me what spilled out of one of those semi's, i'd appreciate it.

Q: What's the problem with Barack Obama jokes?

2008-11-14T22:32:00.001-05:00

A: His followers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

lost count after four

2008-11-12T19:47:00.002-05:00

i do love the appletini and the bartenders know it. this is dangerous because the bartenders know what happens.... it's a fun little dance we dance--i say, "ok, one more." they smile and mix up another. after a short time, my glass is seen empty and they say, "one more." after two, i think, sure, why not...one more. after four, it's all over but the crying so why not just keep going. have fun! live it up a little. let go of the conservatism. i love disco and martinis. the two day hangover was worth it.

short hills bus

2008-11-11T20:25:00.007-05:00

bourbon vs. rye whiskey: the battle continues with Short Hills Wine. can you see the difference? i can and i'm not a whiskey aficionado. under normal circumstances, i'd be all kinds of torked off for getting the wrong product (especially since it was a gift for uglyscott).

however, the answers i've received from Short Hills Wine (SHW) have been absolutely insane and worth sharing with the world.

i start out by contacting customer service to inform them that they sent the wrong product--russell's reserve bourbon (that would be the bottle that does not say "rye" right on the front). i asked them how they were going to rectify their mistake and was sent the following message:

"That is the same The Russels Reserve is made by wild turkey."

The Wine Shop
704 Morris Tpke.
Short Hills, NJ 07078
Phone: (973)379-7135
Email: customerservice@shorthillswine.com
Web Page: http://www.shorthillswine.com

confused by the message, i write back to the mystery idiot with the following:

Thank you for responding to my email. I know Russell's Reserve is Wild Turkey. I ordered Russell's Reserve Rye Whiskey and Received Russell's Reserve Bourbon Whiskey: They are two different things (please see info below).

American whiskey is commonly divided into six categories; Bourbon, Tennessee, Rye, Wheat, Corn and Blended whiskey. The categories are mainly motivated by differences in the type and amount of grains used during the mashing but there are also differences in e.g. storage time.

Bourbon: Because of the fact that almost all Bourbon is made in Kentucky many people believe this is a requirement, but in fact Bourbon may be produced in any state. The only prerequisites are that it must be made in the US, contain at least 51 percent corn and that it must be stored for at least two years in new, charred oak barrels. Lastly, the raw spirit may not be distilled to more than 80 percent alcohol by volume.

Rye: To be called a Rye whiskey, the spirit must be made from at least 51 percent rye, distilled at less than 80 percent and stored in new, charred oak barrels for at least two years. Rye whiskey is slightly more powerful and bitter than Bourbon. Most current Rye whiskies are made in Indiana and Kentucky.

then i received the following response:

"We have reordered the same exact item listed on the web site from our supplier to see if its any different from the one we sent you."

well, it's been almost 11 days since this correspondence and SHW still hasn't figured out what the heck they're selling. so i ask, isn't this insane? and to top it off, they don't even, according to their website, sell russell's reserve bourbon--they very stuff they shipped me.

Hubig's New Orleans Style Pies

2008-11-10T20:10:00.005-05:00

the best pies in the world. i just ate the one and only coconut i ordered. they're way better than hostess and remind me of fabulous NoLa. i think i may be missing it. a person i know just went for the first time. it was interesting (irritating) to listen to her describe and compare the french quarter to key west. i do not agree with the comparison. sure, you can drink on the street but nothing compares to new orleans! nope, nothing!

www.hubigs.com

it's summer again

2008-11-03T20:21:00.000-05:00

70 degrees. frogs under the screen. went for a walk.

time and halloween

2008-11-01T18:03:00.001-04:00

when does the time change? tonight?

robin times two

2008-10-30T19:59:00.003-04:00

yesterday, after a very long absence--six to eight weeks, there were two robins in the yard scratching around and bathing in the screen covered pond. then saw many more at work. none today. the great migration. sure do miss their chatter. the snowbirds showed up about a week ago. i think the warblers are gone too. must build a new bird feeding station. winter is here.

can't really top the non-stop talking girl and twinkie dog blogs.

very nervous about kitchen nightmares. come on 9:00 pm--need to get this over with.

weather update

2008-10-27T21:19:00.003-04:00

it's snowing. there is snow all over the place: covering the ground, stuck to trees, and smashing the plants. once again, the indiana weatherman told me just three hours ago it was going to rain. he mention nothing about snow coving everything i can see for miles. what's the weather like in south bend: tropical?

41 degrees

2008-10-27T18:31:00.002-04:00

it's snowing. period.

winter blues in october

2008-10-25T12:09:00.003-04:00

i got up, late, this morning and looked at the weather forecast to learn it was going to be cold with rain all weekend. looks like it may snow too. the plan was to winterize the yard but it's just not going to happen today: sorry fishes and froggies. on the bright side, as of this morning, it's supposed to be in the 60's next week. therefore, i am putting off the planned chores for this weekend.

now what? looked at the movie listing and nothing sounds remotely good. have watched all the episodes of the girls next door. learned that holly and hef have broken up which has upset uglyscott. what to do? go bowling? take on a household project? do laundry? take a bath and think about this?

time flies

2008-10-21T19:38:00.006-04:00

yes, so, it seems to have been a while since i last posted something as uglyscott has pointed out. so what? i'm often more interested in reading other posts and have been too tired or preoccupied to comment on them lately. i'm easing into hibernation. gearing up for the winter hobbies: genealogy, downloading music, ordering and watching movies, and as soon as winter begins to fade into spring, plan yard projects. this year's genealogy project is to find out about my mother's mother's side. those people are a total mystery.

scott, i need a blank dvd. i need new music for my long drives this week. uglyangie has inspired him--he's on some sort of mission.

happy birthday zoe (10.14.08)--she hates to have her picture taken. she always looks like i've beaten her with the camera.

square holes and round blocks

2008-10-13T20:01:00.005-04:00

waiting for ugly scott to tell his story about yesterday.

why does everything have to fit neatly into a prescribed genre? can't you do what you do without finding the perfect box to put it in before creating it? do we buy gifts based on the gift bag we have at home? when i landscape, i just do it. if it turns out, great. if it doesn't, i redo it. i'm happy with the task. less happy when done.

way too many shots

2008-10-11T13:52:00.003-04:00

last night--5:30 to midnight--many people--many odd conversations--many odd thoughts--many thoughts materialize--reality--i leaned in--he did not back away.

i felt so bad for the little boy left to entertain himself. no one really watching after him. running through money playing the video game and eating candy from the little candy machine near the front. can i have more money? no! i have no more fucking money! stop fucking bothering me! there are rules about children being in such establishments after a certain time. all are being polite about it right now but soon the politeness will run out.

critter alert

2008-10-06T20:34:00.004-04:00

earlier this morning, right after i got out of the shower, i spotted a critter swimming around the pool. i threw my pj's back on, threw the towel wrapped around my head like a turban on the dining room table, and ran out to the shed to retrieve the skimmer to save the critter. when i got there, i found a green frog (looked like a mouse from the bathroom window). it must have been in there a while as it seemed tired and let me scoop it up. it jumped out of the net and landed on the concrete and hopped back into the pool. it didn't fight the net but would immediately jump right back out for at least five tries. finally, i just told it to stay put on the net until i got it back over to the pond. it seemed to be listening as i chanted, "stay, don't jump" over and over again. i think the latter method worked because i did not try to cover it with my hand. so, why would a green frog leave a perfectly good pond with plenty of bugs to visit a swimming pool? i must be an interesting character to watch.

depends on the day

2008-10-02T18:53:00.004-04:00

late day, first hour: wake up, let the dog out, feed the cat, go to the bathroom, pour coffee, let dog in, let cat out, go back to bed and sit with scott, drink coffee, watch news (preferably grand rapids news), watch scott run around after showering, kiss scott goodbye, lock and alarm all doors, go into shower.

early day, first hour: wake up, let the dog out, feed the cat, go to the bathroom, pour coffee, let dog in, let cat out, go back to bed and sit with scott, drink coffee, watch news (preferably grand rapids news), go into shower, and sit with scott while putting on makeup.

first hour, saturday and sunday in summer when weather is good: wake up, let the dog out, go to the bathroom, pour coffee, let dog in, and go outside drink coffee and watch things.

first hour, saturday & sunday in winter: wake up, let the dog out, go to the bathroom, pour coffee, let dog in, go back to bed and sit with scott, drink coffee, and watch news (preferably grand rapids news)

my people

2008-09-30T19:18:00.004-04:00

My great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather is Buckingham, Hugh, Sr. of Twitchen, Devon Co., England.

And another great, great, great, great grandfather is Lock, William, Sr. of Devon Co., England.

I'm also the great, great, great, great, great, great granddaughter of William Savage: born 1730 and died in 1800.

These are cool: Great, great grandfather is Andrew Jackson Arnold. And my great, great grandfather's uncle is George Washington Harriman.

And the list goes on and on.

1st day of winter

2008-09-29T19:43:00.003-04:00

i know it's not but it certainly felt like it. i raced home from work to put on flannels and thick socks. what a rude awakening. when on earth does the time change? i used to know when this happened: the last sunday in october and the first sunday in april. now it's a mystery to me. i need more sunlight. i can't survive another winter lacking sunlight. it looks like i'm going to need to get one of those light thingies.

so what IS up with the time? ugly angie's comment about the time being wrong made me think of the time change.

i think ugly scott should stick with the weird non-identifiable pics.

please finish the narrative.

it's 7:49 pm.

four winds and dowagiac river

2008-09-28T16:11:00.002-04:00

last night: casino.

today: kayaking the dowagiac river. if no one hears from us tomorrow, we put in, of all places, on sink road.

the lifestyles of my plants

2008-09-27T11:02:00.002-04:00

each year as the days become shorter and the temperatures drop, i begin to feel sorry for the plants that have to stay outside and face the consequences of being an annual. some of them have struggled all summer because it was dry: a wet may and record rainfall one weekend in september (11 inches over the weekend). i watered as much as i could but always ran out of time each night. so now, as the first frost approaches, the plants are looking better than ever. how sad. many of them look so nice i have the urge to dig them up and put them in pots to continue an inside winter show. i know, though, that they will suffer from shock. the inside plants that have been living outside look good but will not transition to living inside very well. they will hate living in the house for several months. once they get used to it, it'll be time to put them back outside. very sad.

what now

2008-09-26T16:33:00.002-04:00

i think i managed to turn off comments. if it's not turned back on, someone will have to let me know. more inspiring/uninspiring stuff later.

transitioning from summer to fall

2008-09-25T14:04:00.009-04:00

Yellow Warbler (below) & Goldfinch (right)

i think it's official. summer is over. it must be a psychological thing because it's a relatively hot september day, the pool is at 91 degrees, and i don't feel swimming or sunbathing. what is it about fall? it's really warm out, but doesn't feel very warm. fall brings with it an impending doom. the snow and cold are coming. there is no way to ignore it and no way to wish it away. the leaves are falling, the bugs are dying, and the birds are migrating to better climates. someone should inform the lingering mosquitoes of the end of summer. i've been bitten several times in the last hour.

i spent a great deal of time watching a large group of yellow warblers from the bathroom window this morning. at a glance they look like goldfinches. the goldfinches didn't appear to be thrilled at having company. nevertheless, it's a thrill to see the warblers in our back yard since they don't hang around for the summer.

i did see a brown and black caterpillar munching on a leaf and considered following it until it cocooned itself; however, i got too bored watching it eat so it looks like the same would prove true watching it encase itself. i suppose the mystery of how they do that will remain a mystery to me.

is it too soon to get spring fever?

molly

2008-09-25T13:11:00.003-04:00

another year

inside the zip-lock bag
inside the gold tin
inside the brown box

nothing formal
nothing permanent
nothing quite right

not to the yard
not to a shelf
not inscribed

just beside me
just like always

another day
your day

today

bloomless hydrangea

2008-09-23T18:42:00.008-04:00

i am totally uninspired tonight.

the dog is, as usual, anxious. he converses with her as though she understands every word. it's a good thing she doesn't understand: her feelings would be hurt.

in response to scott's cricket observation. . . one of my favorite poems (and poetry isn't my thing).

"Seen From Above"

A dead beetle lies on the path through the field.
Three pairs of legs folded neatly on its belly.
Instead of death's confusion, tidiness and order.
The horror of this sight is moderate,
its scope is strictly local, from the wheat grass to the mint.
The grief is quarantined.
The sky is blue.

To preserve our peace of mind, animals die
more shallowly: they aren't deceased, they're dead.
They leave behind, we'd like to think, less feeling and less
world,
departing, we suppose, from a stage less tragic.
Their meek souls never haunt us in the dark,
they know their place,
they show respect.

And so the dead beetle on the path
lies unmourned and shining in the sun.
One glance at it will do for meditation—
clearly nothing much has happened to it.
Important matters are reserved for us,
for our life and death, a death
that always claims the right of way.

--Wislawa Szymborska

roundup & walnuts

2008-09-22T21:07:00.012-04:00

ugly scott used up my most interesting material for the day.

the walnut tree is dropping walnuts like crazy while the squirrels run around frantically eating and burying their precious morsels of bitter gold. but the thing i notice the most is how stained the squirrels faces and hands have become. this i notice as i inspect, daily, the progress of the unwanted grass growing in the landscaping. which leads me to wonder why grass grows were i don't want it and dies where i do want it.

Sloe Gin Fizz

1 1/2 oz. Sloe Gin

1/2 oz. Lemon Juice
Club Soda or Sparkling Water

Combine sloe gin and lemon soda or lemon juice in
a shaker filled with ice, shake, pour into a highball
glass filled with ice and fill with club soda or sparkling water.

walking the dog

2006-09-26T19:52:00.000-04:00

what a beautiful day! man, it was nice out. we went for a nice walk after work...got ice cream.

rita likes ferretts. . .

she now knows they're harmless. . .

we called ours "chewy". . .

dude says they stink. . .

bill's opinion is unknown.

beans

2006-09-25T19:48:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday Beans. I miss you.

Spent the evening mowing the very tall grass.

Praying Mantis

2006-09-17T18:50:00.001-04:00

this has been a good year for the praying matis. . . at least in our back yard. this one was on the side of the neighbors garage this afternoon and was approximately six inches long. we see them nearly every day. earlier in the summer or spring, we encountered what seemed like hundreds of young mantis' while working on the landscape. scott isn't particularly fond of them and swears they chase him around. i've read two articles about them catching and eating hummingbirds: http://www.birdwatchersdigest.com/site/backyardbirds/hummingbirds/mantis-hummer.aspx. i do hope to never witness anything like it.

the cat

2006-09-16T10:32:00.001-04:00

the cat seems to now how to live. it eats, sleeps, watches things, and begs for treats. she, when in the living room, always lays in that spot. she's very predictable in that she will lick her fur and then attack the plant. it's quite a comical scene: i always laugh as i watch the episodes unfold day after day. the routine never changes and neither does my reaction.

"Lisa's Plants" (because it's special)

2006-09-16T09:38:00.000-04:00

Lisa came home to find that her plants had moved inside.

She didn’t notice them immediately, being preoccupied by herhyperactive dog, whom she scolded in a cheery voice for jumping onher and tripping her as she entered the house. “I see you, Zoë,” she saidto the dog. She rubbed Zoë’s face like she was polishing a crystal ball. The dog continued to jump alongside her as she made her way to thebedroom.

One might think the dog was trying to get Lisa’s attention forsomething specific—for instance, telling her that the plants were nowoccupying the house—but that wasn’t the case. Though Lisa arrived homeafter being gone approximately nine hours and fifteen minutes every day,Zoë was consistently surprised she was alive. To the dog, her cominghome was tantamount to her being pulled up from the bottom of a well. On the way to the bedroom, Lisa didn’t notice three viburnumssitting quite comfortably at the dining room table; nor did she notice thepatches of moss she walked directly over.

Before she noticed anything was different at all, she had changed out of her dress and into her sweats (which she grabbed from the arms of a trumpet vine), reassured the dog further, and gone back to the kitchenwhere a group of impatiens were in the sink, waiting to be watered. One was urging the others to join him over by the refrigerator. Lisa saw nothing. Instead, she walked the familiar path to the pantry, found a rawhide chewfor the dog, patted it again, and went to sit on the living room couch.

At that point, her feet on the coffee table, Zoë beneath her legsloudly chewing, she saw all. Beside her, a slightly wilted sunflower sat onthe couch, its roots dangling in the water glass she had left the night beforeon the floor. Its head tilted perilously close to the ceiling fan. A row ofbug-pocked hostas, just about to bloom, sat in semi-circle around the TV. A hydrangea crouched coolly in a doorway.

The remote was in Lisa’s hand, but she forgot to turn on the news,which she watched every morning and every evening to catch the weatherreport. The formerly invisible plants were now all she could see. Shepushed herself away from the sunflower.

Lisa wanted to ask the plants what they were doing. “What are youdoing in the house?” she actually said, though not expecting an answer.

Being plants, they heard her, but they kept their thoughts to themselves. And I mean “themselves” collectively rather than individually:they sent whispers around the room to each other, just no message to Lisa.

My plants are all inside, she thought quite simply. Who put themhere? She squinted and moved her head slightly back and forth as if theanswer to the mystery might lie in the corner of the room. Notice what shedidn’t think: the plants moved inside by themselves. Who would? She shivered, imagining someone in her house. She remembered astory she had heard as a teenager about a family in Manitowoc, Wisconsin,who awoke to find all the shoes from their shoe store on their front lawn. Neatly arranged. The story had made all the papers as a funny humaninterest story. Even then, Lisa didn’t think it was funny. She feltempathetically violated.

With Zoë one pace behind her, Lisa began to creep around thehouse looking for, but hoping not to find, the intruder who had moved herplants indoors. As she wondered about the reason—probably to shockher into a vulnerable position for attack—she saw a fern move by thebathroom sink. It wasn’t swaying in the wind. There was no wind. Itsmovement came from its bottom rather than its top half. It appeared, inshort, to be walking.

Lisa wished she could have passed out at that moment, like womendo in old movies. Even a shriek would have been satisfying. Unfortunately,it wasn’t in her constitution to have such outward signs of emotion—evenwhen confronted by walking plants.

Having no dramatic outlet, she sat on the floor, holding the dog’shead near her face, gently pushing off every third lick or so with her hand.

She had continued the search for an intruder and found no signs. She called the police, but that was no help. From the minute he arrived, thecop seemed to insinuate that it was her fault. “Did you lock the door?” hekept asking. He was egg-shaped, like one of the Weeble people herbrother had played with when they were little.

As she tried to explain what had happened, she could imagine thecop repeating her words to his friends back at the station, telling them withmuch dramatic flourish about the nutty woman with plants in her house. Shedidn’t dare tell him that she had seen a fern walk.

At least the dog didn’t seem to think she was crazy. Zoë lickedLisa’s ankle.

The last thing the cop said to her was, “Why don’t you just movethem back outdoors?”

Though she called him a dumb ass under her breath when he said it(which caused a small uprooted tomato plant near the magazine stand tojiggle), she attempted to do just that after he had gone.

She grabbed a bush but was immediately startled by what seemed tobe resistance (or even the beginnings of a tug of war) from the plant. Shakingher head and gaining new resolve, she ignored what she felt, explaining to thedog that plants couldn’t pull, and took it back to the mound it had occupied inthe side yard. There she knelt, carefully burying its roots. The ground wasmoist and warm.

She noticed that some of the landscaping bricks she had installed lastsummer were crumbling. Also, the mound itself needed new mulch. “I’llhave to get to that after we get this re-planting done,” she said to Zoë. Looking around the virtually plantless yard, she remembered her initial visionof a birdbath over by the birch tree, a stone path, and a bench. She reallyhadn’t had much time to work on her yard this year.

She began to re-plant the others with Zoë tagging along. All wasgoing well until she noticed another hole where, just moments before, she hadpatted the earth firm. She went inside to find a tuft of elephant grass leaningcockily against the fireplace. Its message was clear (and not unspoken,though still unheard by Lisa): “Not so fast. We’re not giving in this easily.”

Again, she sat at dog level, but this time she kissed Zoë back.

It was only after she had given up and lived indoors with the plants forthree days that she began to hear their quiet barking at night. That and thefrequent shuffling across the wood floor kept her awake.

Within a week, she had grown accustomed to the noise. Things wereas they were. She just couldn’t invite anyone over. Otherwise, she enjoyedthe company of the plants. They even had a calming effect on the dog. Somedays Zoë greeted her in only a half-frenzy.

By the end of the first month, she was sleeping with a Mexican heather,which began to curl at her feet, then edged its way, over a few days, to herhead. She was having coffee in the morning with a tulip, the beginning of aregular routine. “I heard that coffee grounds were good for plants,” she said.

Three months later, when she pulled in the driveway and discovered herentire yard was dirt, she wasn’t even mildly shocked. She wasn’t surprisedwhen she stepped indoors onto the grass. No need to call the Weeble cop. She knew it was her fault.

“It’s about time you came in,” she said to the grass. “Yes, I see you,too,” she said to Zoë, who nuzzled her leg without tripping her.

define fun

2006-09-15T19:12:00.002-04:00

new orleans: i miss that city. i'd like to live there one day. the picture represents a happy, fun moment. it makes me smile and that is a good thing.

finally a day without rain

2006-09-14T18:42:00.001-04:00

i think it's been raining for the last week. ok, maybe only since sunday or monday. but hey, three or four straight days of gloom is quite enough.

watching connections...can't do two things at once

2006-09-13T19:33:00.001-04:00

so, i guess i need a place to rant on occasion. . . and they say it's healthy to write "things" down. in all honestly, "journaling" usually just pisses me off.

the right is our favorite "watering hole." yes, i think the place is haunted.